Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Pregnancy Tests -- Pubaroona Ring

I've been rather busy the last couple of weeks, but here is the next entry in my Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life series, based on the book of the same name by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. Today's entry is brought to you by the letter P.

PREGNANCY TESTS


Found…
By…
Presented…
Because…

In the fruit bowl of the Dougherty kitchen

My sister, Bridget (age 6)

As “a thing that Daddy uses to check the oil in the car”
My mom wasn’t quite ready to explain that there would be a new member of our family in about 8 months
End result? Patrick Joseph

At a Valentine’s dinner at G. Michael’s

My husband, Pete (age 28)

Taped to some Reese’s Cups and wrapped as a gift
I thought it was a good idea to attach something I peed on to a food item and bring it to a nice restaurant.
End result? Sophie Ann


PRINCESS BRIDE, THE


If we were lucky enough to have a snow day, my sister and I liked to walk to Our Town Video and rent a movie to watch. More often than not, we would select either Weekend at Bernie's (still not sure why this was overlooked for an Oscar), Clue (way more fun than the board game), or The Princess Bride. Now, I hope that I don't have to tell you that The Princess Bride is the best movie. EVER. If you don't agree with me, I'm not sure that I want to know you. (Just kidding...slightly).

Over the course of watching this movie hundreds of times, I came to know every single word of the dialogue. Yes, every word. The bad part is that once I knew all the lines, I couldn't help reciting them every time I watched the movie. I say this is the bad part because it resulted in no one (e.g., all of my family members and friends) wanting to watch this movie with me. If the movie was on, I couldn't NOT recite the words. It was like I suffered from The Princess Bride-induced Tourette Syndrome. If someone in my family happened to walk into the living room as I was cuing up the VCR, you would probably have heard a panicked, "Oh no!" uttered and an extremely quick exit.

Apparently, listening to someone recite an entire movie, with different accents and all ("Mawidge, mawidge is what bwings us togeffer today...) is really annoying. And, it seems, according to my Dad, that it ruins the experience of watching the movie.

Whatever. To this I would reply, "Fine. I will watch the movie by myself."

"Oh, I love it how the fumbling detective, Columbo, reads to his grandson, Kevin Arnold from The Wonder Years...and here it goes, my favorite part: 'Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse and tormenting the farm boy who worked there. His name was Westley, but she never called him that. Isn't that a wonderful beginning?'"

Yes, Columbo, yes it is.

P.S. When Pete and I got married, I mentioned to my priest how much I loved this movie (you would be surprised how often I can work it into a conversation). At our wedding day, he surprised me by starting out his homily by imitating The Impressive Clergyman and then connecting the movie to Pete and me. It was one of the great moments of the day. That and marrying my true love, of course.

PUBAROONA RING

If you've read my entry titled "Shaving" then you will not be surprised to hear that I hate shaving my legs, always have, and that at one point I had great plans to wax my legs using a home waxing kit that my Mom had sitting on a shelf somewhere. You'll have to reread that one to hear about the side effects (grown out leg hair) and results (there were none) of that little experiment. But, the purpose of this entry is to tell you about what my friend Dana and I found when examining the home waxing kit.

Back when I still had the illusion that I would actually use the thing, Dana and I had taken out all the parts and were reading the directions when we found one of these in the box:

We were confused. This piece was not referenced on the instruction sheet, yet there it was in the box. We tried to come up with some explanation for how it could relate to the waxing process.

I noticed that you could slip it over your finger, kind of like a ring. And, that's when Dana had a revelation: "Maybe it's an attachment! Like for waxing your bikini area!"

Yes! That made perfect sense to us. Thus, the Pubaroona Ring was named.

We decided to show it to my Mom, since it was her waxing kit and we didn't want her to miss out on this added bonus attachment that she got for FREE! We explained how you would use the Pubaroona Ring, complete with a mimed demonstration. After which, my Mom informed us that the Pubaroona Ring was actually a pen clip that must have somehow fallen into the box.

Hmph. Our use was much more interesting.











2 comments:

  1. Oh Gretch.........tears are streaming down my face. Even though I have lived, been a part of in some way, or been informed after the fact of most of these life events the retelling has me laughing till I'm in tears. A friend of mine once said she wished she could be a fly on the wall in our home. We have had the best of times!

    ReplyDelete