Friday, February 8, 2013

Notes in Yearbooks -- Nursing Home Scandals


NOTES IN YEARBOOKS

The following are actual notes written in my yearbooks from high school. The names have been omitted to protect the innocent (and the grammatically incorrect).

Gretchen,
I know I annoy you and bother you sometimes but I hope it doesn't change our friendship. Have fun when you go to college. Don't forget our times hangin out or my party when you was playing with my underwear. 

Yikes! 

Gretchen,
You are one of the most bazar person I know but you are fun to be around because of your personality.

I think this person meant "bizarre" as I was not known to hang out at bazaars (open-air or otherwise) while I was in high school, but we did have really bad English teachers who neglected to teach proper spelling.

Gretchen,
To a crazy girl I have known since St. Francis. Never forget my sleepover and the huge underwear. Always remember The Rogers and their backyard after pick-up-day. Always remember my boyfriend Joey and your boyfriend Jethro. I can't wait till pick up day so we can go shopping and then have a yard sale. 

Is underwear a common theme that people want to reminisce about with me? And, if you're wondering who the Rogers are, you might want to read this post.


To Gretchen,
Good luck this year. I can't think of anything else to say and ---- will hit me if I write more to you than I did to her.

I feel sorry that this guy had to write under the threat of physical violence.

Gretchen,
Never forget all the fun times we've had together like our mixing madness menu, trauma center barbie (see here), benzinger buddies, having debbie AKA Carla as our waitress when ----- whipped a fry at your eye and detached your retina, and when we went to Kwik King (see here) and you tried to buy a bag of Doritos for 1.99 and didn't have enough money, sleeping out in fort Dougherty, and suds and hairdo (see here)-- we definitely are the best singers! We've had so many fun times together I can't name them all. I must say you are one crazy girl. I hope we stay friends forever. 

Don't worry. We have.

Gretch (Gitch),
You've always been a great friend. You're always there for me and I'll never forget that. We've had some great times like Bondage Patrol (see here), Charlie (who I know you really love!), when I was Chuck Woolery and tried to hook you up with ----. Though this yearbook is probably good (since you won't let me look at it) it will never compare to ours. Remember when we were at Wheeling Park and I thought those kids were cute and we started following them and they went into the cemetary. I know I'm kind of mentally ill especially when it comes to throw rugs on people's bedroom floors. We've always had so much fun wherever we went!

And, we still do.



NURSING HOME SCANDALS

When I was about twelve or thirteen, the topic at our family dinner table turned to music. And, my Dad made the comment, "All songs are either about love or drugs."

For some reason, this didn't sit well with me. In fact, I found it to be really depressing. I was quick to disagree.

"No, they're not!"

When I was challenged to elaborate on this issue, to back up my assertion with concrete evidence, I drew a blank. Maybe my Dad was right, but I didn't want him to be.

My comeback?

"I don't know...nursing home scandals?"

I'll admit, it was not the most convincing argument. To this day, I'm still searching for a song that will prove me right. So, if you ever hear a song about a nursing home scandal, please, let me know.

Thanks.

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