Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Bathroom Inducers -- Busted

BATHROOM INDUCERS

There are certain things that always make me have to go to the bathroom. For instance, whenever I am looking at cards, be it in a Hallmark store or an aisle in the drugstore, I immediately have to pee. I then have to cross my legs and do a little dance until I find the right card, or any card for that matter. I'm sure I've made some bad/inappropriate card choices for fear of peeing in my pants. But, strangely, as soon  as I walk away from the cards, I don't have to go anymore.

Browsing for books in the library used to make me feel like I had to poop. But, I had to psychologically make myself get over this as I worked in a library for four years. I'm really glad I was able to do that because I really liked that job, and it would have been as shame if I would have had to quit due to this weird condition.

BEER

I really don't have a taste for beer. I kind of trained myself to get used to the taste when I was in college, but two years ago I decided that I was never drinking beer again. I made this proclamation far and wide, to anyone who would hear. I just decided that I was too old to waste time forcing myself to drink something that I didn't actually like. And, I was in a financial place where I didn't have to choose beer at bars and restaurants because it was cheaper than other drink options.

This summer, though, while sweating at an outdoor concert, I was so overcome with thirst that I had to resort to drinking from my husband's and sister's giant cups of beer. But, I kept qualifying each gulp with the disclaimer "I'm not drinking this because I like it, only because I'm SO thirsty!" But, after that incident I realized that maybe I actually did like beer. I have since amended my former proclamation to "I will drink beer, sometimes, when I am either really hot or just feel like it."

BIRTHSTONE

I used to think that I hated my birthstone, which is Peridot for August. The reason for this being that the first thing I ever received that held my birthstone was a ring from my aunt and the color was not very pretty. The ring itself I love because it was originally given to my aunt (whose birthday is the day after mine) by my grandparents and then she gave it to me. It's a pretty ring, but the color of the stone looks like the AquaFresh toothpaste that my Grandma Theresa used to use and that I hated (As a kid, I took to brushing my teeth with water when I slept over). I just thought I was one of the unlucky people with ugly birthstone colors, like November (Topaz! Yuck!). But, then many years later, the same aunt gave me another one of her birthstone rings (she's a really nice aunt) and the color was pretty--a yellowy-green like the color of new leaves in spring. So my birthstone wasn't really ugly! Yes!

 BUSTED

This is a word that my mom and I invented. Technically, we didn't invent the word itself, but we invented a new meaning for it. It's been so long now that I don't know exactly how it came about. I just know that we were in the car on the way home from Sherwin Williams and that we were laughing so hard that it was a wonder that my mom didn't run the car off the road. Anyway, it's an adjective and you can use it in place of other adjectives, such as weird, stupid, or annoying. It has also evolved into the noun forms bust-a-move, bust-a-mover, or just plain buster. You might be tempted to think this is a person who spontaneously breaks into dance, but you would be wrong. It is a person who spends a great deal of his or her time being or pursuing things that could be described as busted.

This word is so commonplace in our family that it strikes us as odd, irritating even, when we use it in front of people who are not familiar with us and they are subsequently confused about what we mean.

"Oh, his Uncle Larry is so busted."
"What? He was arrested?"

"That is the most busted holiday tablecloth I have ever seen!"
"What? It's broken?"

"That kid is such a Bustoleum."
"Excuse me? Did you say you needed some Rustoleum?"

No, no, and no.








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