Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Why in the World?!

You may remember the story that I wrote about sloths (those awful creatures!)  Well, I have recently discovered a disturbing trend, which is that people are obsessed with sloths.  You might wonder how I know this.  I will tell you.

When I log on to my Blogger account, I can look at my blog's "stats" which tells me how many page views each posting gets, among other things.  Out of nowhere I began seeing that there were hundreds of page views per day on my sloth two months after I wrote it.  Strange because I'm pretty confident that hundreds of people do not read my blog on a regular basis.

The stats also can show me where the people who view my blog are located, and in conjunction with the increase of people reading the sloth story, there has also been an increase of readers from all over the world.  Another thing that the stats can show you (I'm telling you this is great to look at if you are bored) is terms people type into search engines that leads them to your blog.  And, this is where I realized that people from all over the world are obsessed with sloths.

Here is short list of search terms that led people to my sloth story:

1. sloth (obvious)
2. picture of a sloth (maybe they were just curious)
3. sloth face (okay, that's weird)
4. lenivec (a little research helped me learn that this means sloth in another language)
5. fear of sloths (maybe there are more people like me out there!)
6. sloths as pets (this is just wrong)

The by far creepiest, weirdest search term that I found was the one person who searched for "sloth meat."  If there are people out there who actually eat sloths, I don't even want to know about it.

My investigation into this sloth epidemic has brought up some other, non-sloth-related search terms which have led people to stumble upon Meat Toast.  Some of these include:

"what is blazing meat"--I don't know the answer to this, but I would assume that it is meat on fire.  Did you really need to look that up on the Internet?

"funeral toast"--I don't think you give toasts at funerals (unless you want to congratulate the person who died).  They are called eulogies, and if you have to search the Internet for what to say in one, you probably shouldn't be speaking at that funeral at all, just saying.

"a cool meat"--I don't know about all the other cool cats out there, but I have always thought chicken was pretty cool.

"meat nicknames"--Now this is definitely a handy thing to know.  I'm sure it cuts loads of time off of your cooking when you can simply refer to the meat you're preparing by a nickname.  I don't know about you, but I find saying the word "beef" to be really exhausting and time-consuming.

"random nicknames like toast"--Yes, toast is a random nickname.  I can only hope that my stories about people like Ernie Ball Screamer and Scary Ugly Neighbor gave them some other good ideas.

As the number of sloth page views continues to rise (currently nearing 2,000--which is unheard of for my rinky-dink blog), I hope that some sloth-obsessed person will find the information I provide helpful, or at least entertaining.  Thanks to all of you who read Meat Toast (either intentionally or unintentionally).  I love writing the stories, and I find it both amazing and flattering that anyone (besides my Mom and Dad) takes the time to read them.


  1. sloth meat is tough and taste's a lot like whale meat without seasoning it first.

    1. Wow! Where would you have the occasion to eat that?