Sunday, September 26, 2010

Nicknames, Part 2

Those gossip columnists who make up celebrity couple nicknames, like Brangelina and Bennifer, have got nothing on my family.  We are the kings of nicknames.  We have nicknames for people, places, name it, we've probably nicknamed it.

The nicknames sometimes go through a series of stages, kind of like making nicknames for our nicknames.  Take, for instance, the store Dollar General.  When one first opened in our town, we started calling it Dollar G.  Then it morphed into The G-String, but perhaps that was a little too weird, so it was then simply shortened into The G.  As in, "I'm going to The G to pick up some dish soap."

We also had nicknames for all of our neighbors.  The Morris Family are The Morrinators to us.  The Cichs are better known as The Chickafooses and The Martins are The Martinos.  And, of course, Patty and Kenny are The Brother and The Sister.  These nicknames weren't meant to be mean-spirited; they just sort of randomly came to be.  That is, except for The Ugs.  Which would be short for Scary Ugly Neighbors.  When I was in college, The Martinos moved away, and we got new neighbors for the first time in a long time.  When I asked my mom about them, all she could think to say was that the dad was "scary and ugly."  And, it was true.  There just really weren't any other adjectives that applied to him except for those.  Now, before you start to feel sorry for this guys for his looks, let me tell you that there were really no other words to describe his personality either.  Yep, scary and ugly all around.  Thank goodness they ended up moving away. 

Then there is my Dad's friend, Dick.  This is already a somewhat unfortunate name, but when we were younger, my sister and I called him Big Dick from Yellow Creek (that would be pronounced "crick" for those of you who grew up in somewhat more civilized areas) because we would go canoeing there with him and my dad.  Oh, and I almost forgot my Grandma's old friend Ernie.  He once showed up at a Fourth of July party wearing Wranglers that were extremely too tight for anyone, let alone a seventy-something man.  He was known from then on out as Ernie Ball Screamer.

My mom is usually the instigator of these nicknames in our family.  She is just really good at thinking them up, and over the years her talent has rubbed off on the rest of us.  My mom also hates hot tubs.  She has nicknamed them crotcherators because she always says that they gross her out since they are just hot water swirling around people's crotches, which I guess is true.  So, I always think of hot tubs as crotcherators when I refer to them around my family.  But, we have another nickname for hot tubs, as well.  Our neighbors used to have one, and apparently it was frequently on the fritz because we would often hear the dad yelling things like, "This g**-d***** cocksucker!"  So, as a result, we sometimes call them cocksuckers (just not in polite company.)

I could go on, but I think you're getting the point: my family likes to nickname things.  I mean, why call something by its intended name when there are so many better ways to say it?


  1. That was quite amusing!

  2. Ernie Ball Screamer???? Okay, I remember those jeans, but that nickname makes me a little sad:( Poor, Ernie....I think I have a picture of that somewhere...